How I Watch the Big Game

I've been a Denver Broncos fan for as long as I can remember. As a child I would make signs for the games, throw big game parties and in my twenties I even watched a couple games from the field, where I hung out with the Denver Post. I am not simply a Peyton Manning fan, I am a Denver Broncos Fan.

I have an Orton jersey in my closet - how many people can say that? I also have a Lynch jersey and throwback Elway, of course, but I am a girl, and that's not typically the way things go. My dog's name is Denver and she is a girl. When we named her my mom said thankfully we had a dog first because she's right, if we would have had a boy child - his name would have been Denver for sure.

I was a Broncos fan when they got pummeled in the SB by the 49ers. So obviously, I was pretty thrilled at Sunday's resultss. I don't care what Sherman says - I just want our Broncos to stomp on those feathered boys. Yep, I said boys.

Where does a die hard Broncos fan watch this year's big game? Not with a crowd of people I assure you. The last time Denver won, I was with a handful of Packers fans and I kept my cool for most of the game. I plan on seeing this one with my tiny family, in my smallish living room on my not-so-large TV. I'll wear the same shirt I've worn all season, and I'll probably force my kids to wear theirs too. But be with a large crowd - not my style. I need to focus and really watch the game. This is a big one and I can't let my team down.

So whether you are a football fan or not, this year will be a great one to watch. Make some gluten free wings, dips and spirited cocktails. Oh and don't forget to grab your Velveeta like tomorrow - seriously, that shortage is no joke.

Go Denver!

Heart on a Roof

I read somewhere to write even when you have nothing to write about - perhaps something amazing will come out. I'm not sure if that is going to happen tonight. I've put my children to bed and am anxiously awaiting the next episode of Grey's Anatomy. Unfortunately since we installed our new TV about a month ago we still haven't figured out how to program our Time Warner remote control to allow us to see the guide. I have no idea when the next Grey's is going to be on - but fingers crossed, it will be tonight.

I made a quesadilla, a teeny, tiny quesadilla. Why was it so small you ask. Because I eat gluten free and every gluten free flour tortilla I've tried completely blows...so I use corn tortillas. Teeny, tiny corn tortillas to eat my quesadillas. Its really not the same, although I did add some delicious chicken and green chile sauce. I may have another, they really are incredibly tiny.

The best email I received this week was a notice that we will have Martin Luther King Jr's birthday off on Monday.

I had my mammogram on Wednesday and went for a skin check on Monday. Everything on my skin that seemed questionable checked out. So really, that was the best news of the week. I'm also feeling very fortunate that I am able to get a mammogram every year - go ahead squish the boob. I'm feeling lucky to have health insurance and great health. A healthy family and safe home. And a loving husband who put a heart on the roof of our house, made out of a strand of lights.

So I guess this whole write even when you have nothing to write about thing may work out. It made me reflect on an extremely grueling and disappointing work week and made me realize how thankful and wonderful my week has truly been. I have a heart on my roof and love in my heart. I like this task and I think I may just make a practice of it.

Alright Already with All the Fitness Commercials - We Get It

We are all fat. We all need to diet, eat only cereal, replace meals with juice, take supplements, chew supplements, drink apple cider vinegar, avoid all sugars, meats, fats and alcohol plus work out 5 hours per day, every day, for the rest of our lives. For real?

The New Year always brings the fitness crazes back and by crazes I mean crazies. Notice these new workouts, fresh menus and resolutions typically only last 'til about the end of January. There is a reason. Most humans can't sustain the cereal diet or drinking their vegetables for the entire year...we just don't want to do it. We are humans and we have desires outside of our physiological needs.

We want to eat s'mores in the summer. And sip on a glass of real lemonade at our kid's charity stand. We want to enjoy a glass of pinot noir instead of feeling guilty over every drop. We want to live like Italians basically, but we don't, so let's compromise. Have a glass of wine, just don't have four at a time. And drink some lemonade, add more ice and just consume half of glass. Eat s'mores on one or two days during the summer, but not every weekend. And maybe just leave all the hot dogs for people in other states.

Walk a little more. Park your car a bit further. Dance. Laugh. Skip occasionally, it's actually an amazing core workout and I truly hate it when people talk about their cores, but it is. Play tag with your kids and run in the sprinklers, with your clothes on if you don't like yourself in a bathing suit. I'm not going to judge you, and actually, I'll join you if I have't just straight ironed my hair.

Keep it simple; enjoy more, gorge less, and enjoy yourself.

What to do...What to do? When You Are Faced With Unethical Practices

Why people gotta be so sneaky? Seriously? Say what you are going to do and do what you are going to say. It's not that hard. I swear anyone can speak their mind. So stop hiding behind your mousey exterior, don't act like you don't know something and then voila - do it anyways.

I live with two little people and a really nice man. None of us are perfect, but none of us live nearly as unethical as some of the companies I've been working with recently. Its such a shame too. Great ideas, good concepts, poor execution.

Perhaps its me. I do wear my heart on my sleeve. If you mess with me, I will not like it and I will make changes in my life to reflect those feelings. I may not do it immediately, but I will not lie about it either. I stand up for myself, but even more so, I stand up for the people I love and respect. I will guard them with my life and I will remain true to my ethics, morals and standards, regardless of what position in life I am facing.

So stop it. Grown ups - just stop IT. Grow up, be a grown up, act like a grown up, be respectful like a grown up and be proud of yourself. Imagine that others will be proud, respect and like you too - for exactly who you are, not who you claim to be.

So Over this Period Business - Bring on Menopause

I woke up at like 3 am...again. But last night I was up for about 3 hours. WTH? And then this morning, I realized why. My period. She is visiting again. Only this time, bitch is out with a vengeance. What did I ever do to her? And why do I assume she is a girl? 

Image courtesy of Curtis & Candace: The Truth About PMS.

I remember hearing a line from a movie once "I don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die" (In the Company of Men).

Try 10 days pal. Seriously. T-E-N days. 

My period was always light and airy - up until about a year ago. I never understood why girls were so mean. Now I do. 

I mean what the hell am I supposed to do with 10 days of menstruation? That's not the agreement. When I was twelve I agreed to 5 light days and maybe one not-so-light-day. But like swimming pool compatible. I never missed a beach day in my life due to a little flow.

I did not sign up for this, so I blame menopause, or what will someday soon be menopause. 

Alright, alright, I'm about 10 years or so away from menopause, but I swear, he has something to do with this whole situation. And yes, if your name is men-o-pause I am guessing you are a dude. Wait isn't that a Klymaxx song? How ironic.

So here I stand, in my kitchen, working and writing, tired as all hell and thinking about what the next 33% of my month is going to look like; not pretty and super beyatchedy. Hey ladies in your teens and twenties, heck even you thirtysomethings, enjoy your period now, because she is going to get real nasty down the road and there is nothing you can do to stop him...well, unless you want to have a baby. 

Gasp. At least I'm not pregnant. See I can still find the silver panty liner in any situation.

PS - Don't ever, ever google "images for menstruation". Like EVER!



Image courtesy of Curtis & Candace: The Truth About PMS. 

January 2, 2014 - Post Traumatic Tree Syndrome

The day after New Year's is such a bummer. Everyone's taking down the lights on their houses, pulling their cute snowman decorations from their front lawns, and of course, there is the disturbing Christmas Tree roadkill in every gutter on my street. It's just such a downer after a glorious month of hope and joy - back to the boring, lightless houses and bah humbug public.

I think this year I'll put up Valentine's decorations early, perhaps that will get me out of my post-holiday funk. Get a bit of love up over the fireplace. Pom Poms, hearts and all that crap. Sure, that may work. Only it will probably get me hungry for chocolates and less hungry for calorie burning workouts...not that I resolved to exercise more than 5 minutes per day, at least not in January. But red hearts and cupids do pose a bit of a Pavlovian response in most women, and lord knows I don't need any help in conjuring up a desire to wolf down the Godiva truffles in my pantry. Those are Gluten Free right?

Speaking of Gluten Free, I've been eating G Free for almost two years now. Who knew I could do it? I guess not having a gassy stomach every day of my life is the best motivation for change. Proud of myself. Still friggin' exhausted because I have two kids under the age of 8, work full time from home and surround myself with a decently social life. No gluten hasn't turned me into an energy dynamo, but it has allowed me to spend less time in the bathroom. Kudos for me.

To be honest, getting back to the holiday sadness, I realized this year its because I'll never get this one back again. 2013 I mean. I won't have two little ones under 8 next Christmas, they will be closer to college than they were this year and my youngest will be in elementary school full time. I will cry my eyes out when I see those less-chubby cheeks enter into that little door. In fact I am tearing up right now just thinking about it. When did I become such a sap? I think when they took out that first placenta to be truthful. I've been crying for 7 years pretty regularly - sometimes its joyful, sometimes they are tears of stress, other times they are frustration streams of salty goodness, other times I cry just because I miss tiny hands and footie pajamas. Regardless, I cry more than I should I think. It must be this premenopausal bull shit. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  Well that and childbirth.